I was sitting out on the patio this evening, just before dark watching the kids play. They were playing hide and seek. I remember how much fun it was to do that in the dark when I was kid. While I was sitting there I was all the sudden overcome with such sadness. Sometime missing Curt just creeps up on me and hits me like a frieght train. Normally he would be sitting there with me and we would be talking. We have our best talks sitting by the fire in the evening while the kids are running around playing. It sounds really strange to say but while I was incredibly sad that Curt was not there to enjoy the evening with me, I was thankful at the same time for that feeling. It just reminds me of how very lucky I am to be married to my best friend. Missing him reminds of how much I love him. It reminds of how important it is to cherrish those little things with the ones we love. Because those are the things we miss most when we can't be with the ones we love.
This deployment has really been a struggle for a lot of reasons. This is the first time that Curt has been gone for this long of a time when the kids are old enough to realize it. It's hard because I tend to want to put things off with kids so that Curt won't miss out on them. Like, I was thinking the other day, Tyler is old enough to start cutting the grass, and it would be really helpful to me right now. Then I started thinking, well that is something Curt should really teach him. Or, I really want to take the kids to see Karate Kid, but I want to be able to do that with Curt. Or Luke wants to start playing football this fall, but Curt should be here for his first season. Then you slowly start to realize that you can't put life on hold. We have to keep going and do the best we can. I have been blessed to have wonderful examples in my life of how to keep going as a military family. My mom went through 2 Korea tours with my dad and us three girls on her own. I have had so many friends that have handled these deployments with dignity and grace and I have learned so much from them all. So, right now we are in survival mode, and I know Curt is too. As heart breaking as it is, we have to keep on trucking. So, this weekend, Tyler learned to mow the lawn and we went to see the Karate Kid and I plan on signing Luke up for football. Curt has a job where he is and we are so proud of him, and we have a job here . We have to keep living, even though sometime I just want to close myself up in my bedroom and cry. I want to make Curt proud, and the way we will do that is to keep on living.
Through all this, I have learned that every moment we share is a gift and I will cherish them all, no matter how big or small .
