I have learned...

As these looooong six months with Curt gone slooooowly come to an end, 7 weeks left, but who is counting... I thought I'd take a few minutes to think about what I have learned from this experience.
While I am so glad Curt will be coming home soon, I unfortunatley know that is probably not the last time we will be apart. But as much as it goes against my nature, I am going to try and NOT focus on that. I am going to try and just focus on the happiness and joy I feel in my heart knowing that our family will be back together again and push away all those worries and fears of how I will get through if and when we have to face this again. As a good friend of mine said, "this is the life we have chosen and accept it for better or for worse..." Being apart has taught me how very important it is to cherish the times that we ARE togther.
So, have I handled all this the way I thought I would.... you know the delusional way I had in my mind when it all started. You know, keeping it all together all the time, perfect house, PTO, sports, sleepovers... doing all this with a smile while mantaining a poistive attitude and patience with my kids. Well, that would be a big, fat, NO.... I have had more temper tantrums than I care to mention, we have been thru every drive thru in town more than I ever imagined, and don't get me started on the house.... I have had to so say no to sleepovers many times because I just don't have the energy and PTO has become an afterthought. Yes, my goals have definitley gotten a lot simpler. Do my kids feel loved everyday, do I comfort them when they are sad or hurt. Yes, despite all the things that in some peoples eyes could be considered failures, in my eyes these are the MOST important things and I feel I have succeeded here.
I have been following a good friend's blog and she has been writing about getting through her husband's one year tour in Korea... she put into words what I never have been able to to describe how I feel about this seperation... she said, " Althought the military has required us to spend much time apart, we are ALWAYS in this together...."

Our Life...

I was sitting out on the patio this evening, just before dark watching the kids play. They were playing hide and seek. I remember how much fun it was to do that in the dark when I was kid. While I was sitting there I was all the sudden overcome with such sadness. Sometime missing Curt just creeps up on me and hits me like a frieght train. Normally he would be sitting there with me and we would be talking. We have our best talks sitting by the fire in the evening while the kids are running around playing. It sounds really strange to say but while I was incredibly sad that Curt was not there to enjoy the evening with me, I was thankful at the same time for that feeling. It just reminds me of how very lucky I am to be married to my best friend. Missing him reminds of how much I love him. It reminds of how important it is to cherrish those little things with the ones we love. Because those are the things we miss most when we can't be with the ones we love.

This deployment has really been a struggle for a lot of reasons. This is the first time that Curt has been gone for this long of a time when the kids are old enough to realize it. It's hard because I tend to want to put things off with kids so that Curt won't miss out on them. Like, I was thinking the other day, Tyler is old enough to start cutting the grass, and it would be really helpful to me right now. Then I started thinking, well that is something Curt should really teach him. Or, I really want to take the kids to see Karate Kid, but I want to be able to do that with Curt. Or Luke wants to start playing football this fall, but Curt should be here for his first season. Then you slowly start to realize that you can't put life on hold. We have to keep going and do the best we can. I have been blessed to have wonderful examples in my life of how to keep going as a military family. My mom went through 2 Korea tours with my dad and us three girls on her own. I have had so many friends that have handled these deployments with dignity and grace and I have learned so much from them all. So, right now we are in survival mode, and I know Curt is too. As heart breaking as it is, we have to keep on trucking. So, this weekend, Tyler learned to mow the lawn and we went to see the Karate Kid and I plan on signing Luke up for football. Curt has a job where he is and we are so proud of him, and we have a job here . We have to keep living, even though sometime I just want to close myself up in my bedroom and cry. I want to make Curt proud, and the way we will do that is to keep on living.

Through all this, I have learned that every moment we share is a gift and I will cherish them all, no matter how big or small .

100th Day of School

Just thought I would share this funny photo. The kids celebrated the 100th day of school last week. They were supposed to dress the way they thought they would look if they were 100 years old. It was hillarious to see what some the kids came up with. Tyler and Emily won for their grade level, but Luke lost out to another boy who had a cane and an oxygen tank.... who could beat that!